What Feminism (& the World) Need Now — Positivity

I’ve been playing with an idea for my blog for a while. I have a pink T-shirt that reads “this is what a feminist looks like,” and I wish I saw it out and about more often, but it takes, ironically, balls to wear it. In fact, the first time I wore it in public, I pulled my jacket closed (without even realizing it) as I entered my doctor’s office. I did this even though I feel I have a healthy amount of of feminist pluck about me.  

The problem is that people who speak up about their beliefs are often labeled unfairly, making others fearful of  possible similar ramifications. Speaking up with some righteous feminist indignation on this blog has gotten me some abuse, something I didn’t relish. It’s easier to keep quiet. So I’m not surprised that when I ask my students if there are any feminists in the room, most of them (even the women) keep their hands down.  Sadly, it’s because of the perception that being a feminist is somehow radical, ugly,super-liberal, and outrageous. But when I ask them basic questions about rights and opportunities, they voice opinions in line with feminism. I would like to see the label and the stigma go away in my lifetime. I am not a radical feminist. I am not a radical anything, really, so I don’t do a whole lot of proselytizing. I did my share when I became a vegetarian, and I’m sure my parents would attest that it wasn’t pleasant or effective*. While the occasional outburst or lecture is still unavoidable  (for an example of how an outburst got the better of me, see my previous post, “Laura Ingraham, Quit Talking About Our Bodies,”) I try instead to do subtle and personal things that promote my personal beliefs.

For me, feminism is a good and happy thing, and I want to focus on that. I know so many amazing people who positively impact the people around them, and I think it would be cool to feature different feminists (wearing my T-shirt ideally, but not necessarily) as they describe what feminism means to them. Since I have the shirt, I’m going to start with me:

Denise DuVernay: writer, teacher, divorcee, daughter, feminist, and loads of other things

 THIS IS WHAT A FEMINIST LOOKS LIKE

I’ve already established my feminist cred, I do believe. A few posts ago, I remarked that “my brand of materialist feminism includes anyone who doesn’t think human beings should be judged by their naughty bits. Or their parents. Or their cars (or lack thereof). Or their noserings. Or even an accent or tattoo . . .”. Yes, I am a materialist feminist (sometimes called Marxist feminist), but don’t go calling me a communist. I am a materialist feminist because I feel that understanding historical materialism is the key to understanding inequality, which is necessary to figure out what to do about it. It all goes back to the economic bases of societies– social classes, ideologies, education, political structures–and how cultures evolve, especially their social structures.

In a social structure where some people earn more money than others for the same work and experience, or when someone is considered unworthy for certain roles or positions simply because of their sex, sexual orientation, pedigree, or skin color, that social structure should be examined.  

Materialist feminism is not anti-male nor is it anti-white, and it’s not at all like the feminism associated with the 1970s that was mainly concerned with the concerns of straight white women.  Everyone has the same potential to be cool in my book; progress is not made by attacking some in hopes of elevating another. It just doesn’t work that way. As a teacher, co-worker, family member, and friend, I do what I can to encourage those around me to not take sex, race, looks, class, sexual orientation, or any other such meaningless classifications into account when making judgments about people, and I do my best to follow my own doctrine. I hope my students and coworkers find me fair and respectful to all (at least, until an individual gives me a reason not to be . . .).

While I do occasionally find myself on a soapbox, most of my influence comes in subtle means; for example, if a coworker or relative makes a racial slur, I will tell them firmly that I don’t accept that kind of talk. If someone calls a woman a slut (or, more recently, “town bicycle” [because everyone gets a ride]), I stand up and say, “that’s not cool!” If it starts a discussion, great. If not, that’s fine, too. As long as I don’t laugh it off or let it go as if it’s okay, because it’s not. (Which is why I wrote my previous post: What Laura Ingraham said about Meghan McCain wasn’t cool with me, and I think I made that clear).

Sometimes laws are necessary to get the ball rolling and to send a message of what’s expected and desired in society (such as hate crime legislation or affirmative action), but laws aren’t enough. Everyone has to do their small part to effect social structure changes. So the next time someone says something in front of you that you’re not cool with, say so.

So that’s installment #1 of  ”THIS IS WHAT A FEMINIST LOOKS LIKE.”  If you’ve got a suggestion or would like to be featured in a future post, contact me!

*Speaking of vegetarianism, tomorrow is Meat Out Day, and I invite you all to join me! It’s just for a day; you’ll survive.

Laura Ingraham: Quit Talking about Our Bodies!

If you didn’t know who Meghan McCain was last week, you probably do now. And it’s probably because of Laura Ingraham, a right-wing radio host who does not want anyone to hear McCain out. But the ironic thing is, she has drawn mega attention to McCain by calling her, among other things, a “useful idiot” who is being used by the media.  Ingraham is trying to convince people that they shouldn’t be listening to Meghan McCain because she is young (a “Valley-girl gone awry”), attractive, and not thin, but in doing so, she has helped McCain get more TV and Internet exposure than she had during the whole Presidential campaign! (Hey, I would never have written a blog entry about Meghan McCain if it weren’t for Laura Ingraham).

Ingraham hasn’t attacked McCain’s ideas, because that would make sense and doesn’t follow the m.o. of the radical right; rather, she has attacked McCain’s physical characteristics and age: Yes, in addition to that Valley girl comment, she called her a “plus-size model” hoping to be picked for an ”MTV show.”  

Is Meghan McCain considerably more attractive than Laura Ingraham? Yes, but not that it matters. Is Laura Ingraham thinner than Meghan McCain? Yes, but not that it matters. Is Meghan McCain younger than Laura Ingraham? Why, yes, by over 20 years. But not that it matters. I’m not quite sure what Ingraham hoped to accomplish, but I’m guessing it wasn’t the actual result: a bevy of articles and blog entries like this one, where their photographs are placed side-by-side:

Meghan McCain

Laura Ingraham

In response to McCain’s request over Twitter that Ingraham stop talking about her body, Ingraham said: “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the punditry business. Next time, just for fun, Meghan should pretend that she’s had a change of heart and is now a pro-life conservative. Then she’ll really see how the Mean Girls treatment feels” (Times Online). 

Say, what?!

Being a pundit means people get to critique your body all they want? Awesome, that  means we’re allowed to call Rush Limbaugh a big, fat idiot– Sweet! Accurate as it is, I’ve grown a tidge bored with the “hypocritical druggie” bashing I’ve stuck to for a past couple of years.

Or is Laura just hazing the new girl into the GOP’s Blonde Pundit Sorority? Did Peggy Noonan inflict a harsh, secret initiation ritual on Dana Perino? Hot! If only the GGW cameras had caught that moment!  

Or is Ingraham saying that since she’s been blasted by the left, it’s perfectly okay for her to attack Meghan McCain? I don’t know that Jesus would approve. Plus, isn’t that like saying that I am justified in stealing a car if mine is stolen first? When I insult the likes of Laura Ingraham or Ann Coulter, it’s because they’re hypocrites, not because they’re unattractive, bony, bottle blonde, old, or shrill.  Nope, it’s because they went TO LAW SCHOOL and GET PAID TO TALK, oftentimes railing against feminism, when without feminism, they wouldn’t have been able to attend law school. Without feminism, they wouldn’t be paid to talk for a living. Without feminism, Ann Coulter wouldn’t have had the chance to be fired not only from MSNBC, but The National Review, too.  Without feminism, Laura Ingraham wouldn’t have an “addictive” radio show or a podcast!

I’ve noticed a propensity with these types to fabricate and even invent statistics when it’s convenient*.  I’ve never insulted Meghan McCain, and it’s because I haven’t heard bullshit from her. In fact, the other day when Rachel Maddow asked McCain if she agreed with her father about the economy, she said she didn’t know enough about economics to judge. IMO, some honesty from a Republican is a refreshing change. No wonder why the others are attacking her– “I don’t know” isn’t supposed to be in the GOP lexicon.

Oh, Laura, I haven’t seen this many logical fallacies since  my last batch of freshman essays. Of course, there’s ad hominem (that’s fancy Latin for attacking the person instead of the argument). Basically, Meghan McCain asserted that the Republican party could do better in reaching out to young people. McCain said that extremism (like that of Ann Coulter) is not good for the party.  Since Ingraham had nothing of substance to contribute in rebuttal, she responded by remarking on McCain’s body, looks, and age.

Ingraham has created a red herring– she’s trying to make the discussion about whether or not a 24-year-old can have anything to say about politics. Or if someone that pretty (and, I have a hunch, naturally blonde) can have an opinion about politics. Or if someone who has curves can have an opinion about politics. And Ingraham is reinforcing what feminists have fought against for a very, very long time, but we’ll never get over until clueless monsters like Ingraham knock it the fuck off— It’s the idea that, ladies, to a large portion of the population, we are bodies. Nothing more. Thus, we should have no say about our bodies; if our bodies are kept up front and center they do not belong to us.  And women’s bodies are some pretty good real estate. (Actually, I’m not exactly sure why the religious right wants ownership over other people’s bodies. It’s an interesting question. It must be related to their obsession with sex. For an interesting discussion about the difficulties in developing healthy sexuality in such an anti-feminist environment, see the terrific book Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti of feministing.com ).

Abortion? Emergency (or any, for that matter) contraception? Not about the sweet little unborn babies. It’s about women’s bodies. (If the issue really were the children, the right wouldn’t have such a spaz attack about providing health insurance for children, WIC, or food stamps). The fact that selling a vibrator gets you thrown in jail in Alabama doesn’t have anything to do with . . . morals?  Hey, what is their justifcation for making them illegal, anyway? Well, anyway, whatever the fake reason is, the real reason is to try to maintain some ownership of women’s bodies. The mere idea of a woman getting herself off and owning her own sexuality is terribly frightening to these sex-obsessed right wing radicals. And I’m not sure why. What is the religious right’s obsession with sex all about? Maybe if they got over it, they wouldn’t transfer the obsession to their kids and then the teen pregnancy rate could drop. Just sayin’.

This whole war on science, yeah, it’s about women’s bodies. Take stem-cell research. It’s not about the “sanctity of life” or any other such nonesense. If it were about life, creating the embryos would be the sin, not the using-of-the-stem-cells part of it. If it were about respecting life, not using advances to help people with things like spinal cord injuries or Alzheimer’s would be the sin. If the war on stem-cell research got canceled, the religious right would lose just a tiny bit more of their hold on women’s bodies. And remember all those people fighting over what should happen with Terri Shiavo’s body? In 2005, George Bush even interrupted his vacation to sign some legislation to keep her body on life support. Did he do that to save Terri Shaivo’s life? Of course not; she hadn’t had a life in years. She’d been in a vegetative state for 15 years at that point.  Her body was some sort of pro-life symbol for the religious right, and the real victim was the husband, whose life was on hold. And at the time, I remember thinking if Terri had been a man, it wouldn’t have meant so much to the right.

The religious right voice their desire to own our bodies by policing our reprodution and by calling us fat or hot (or not) when we get the crazy idea in our heads that we’re smart, have something to say, and deserve to be heard.  They voice their desire to keep ownership of our bodies away from us by calling for abstinence-only programs instead of actual sex ed. They voice their desire to own our bodies by encouraging girls to sign virginity pledges and to even have ceremonies with their dads. (Yeah! How creepy is that? A ceremony in which a girl says her body belongs to her father until she gets married, when it becomes property of her husband. Icky. For something disturbing and funny, see Valenti’s take on Jessica Simpson’s virginity pledge in Full Frontal Feminism).

So my desperate cry to Laura Ingraham is  a plaintive “come on, sister!”  We already get this crap from everywhere around us. Don’t contribute to the old-school tricks of reducing women to our naughty bits. Stick to your inane links (on http://www.lauraingraham.com/) about the entrepreneurial spirit inspired by Obama (“Obama Sushi: You’ll Come Barack For More”). Keep up the good work in keeping Middle America terrified of and pissed off at immigrants (“Illegal Aliens Get Creative”).  And kudos on your hard-hitting and immensely useful reader polls (Hold onto your hats– at the time of this writing, 51% of Ingraham’s homepage visitors report to wearing green on St. Patrick’s Day!  However, we are told firmly that the poll is not scientific, so do not use that statistic for anything official, or really, anything at all).

*Laura Ingraham is notorious for lying, especially about her “two week” trip to Iraq in 2006. In fact, the observant folks at http://www.lauraingrahamsucks.com/ are keeping a running list of Laura’s lies, including recent false information she gave about Obama’s stimulus plan. As for Ann Coulter, she has been busted more than once for plagiarism and inventing footnotes.

Progress on The Simpsons book

Someone asked me today how the book was coming along, and I said that except for thinking about what I need to do and setting up a Twitter account for our book (@Simpsonology), I haven’t done too much lately. But it turns out that setting up the Twitter account was one of the best ideas I’ve had since going to see Patton Oswalt in San Francisco (where we met Dana Gould[!]). I am positively TWITTERPATED. David Silverman (producer, creative mind, and director of many episodes AND The Simpsons Movie) is now following us on Twitter.

Yes, I’ll tell anyone who asks, we are making progress on the book: David Silverman knows Karma and I exist.

I have the coolest Little Sister

I’m going to be honest here, so hold on to your hats. I became a Big Sister several years ago.  I sort of fell into it, actually. I was at a viewing of some artsy flick at the Oriental Theater in Milwaukee during the Milwaukee Film Festival, and volunteers were there, passing out literature on Big Brothers/Big Sisters. My friend (let’s call her Muffin) was going to do it too; she said she’d prefer a boy, though, to go hiking and such things. (BBBS will allow certain mixed matches –  with a Big Sister and a Little Brother below 12).  Well, Muffin still has not joined up, but I was matched very quickly. I was leery as I don’t much care for strangers’ children, but I tend to enjoy volunteer and philanthropic work, and seeing as how I’ve been broke pretty much all of my adult life, volunteering time seemed a good option. So I asked for a teenager, because I seriously didn’t know what I’d do with a 10-year-old.

My first match lasted about six months. Lil’ #1 switched back and forth between newly divorced parents and her mom was a drug user, so making and keeping plans was not easy. Lil’ #1 was also painfully shy, which complicated things all the more. She never called me on her own and she never returned my calls. When I moved in with the BF, I gave them some stuff– an old bookcase and my five-year-old Mac, some random household items. I was fine with not accepting money, but her mother insisted that she would pay me a hundred or two hundred dollars, so I said fine (I thought she’s be insulted if I refused her money, like I saw her as a charity case).

And then they disappeared.

The mother’s phone was out of service and I left messages on her father’s answering machine. I had a feeling they were avoiding me because the mother didn’t have money to give me, and just thought that was a terrible shame. This teenaged girl needed someone stable in her life and I felt terribly guilty for making a poor decision by giving them that stuff. I messed up.

When the organization couldn’t reach anyone in the family for a couple months, they officially closed the match. Before long, I was matched with another Little Sister. Lil’ #2 (and the second family, for that matter) were different in tons of ways, but similiar in others. The match lasted a bit longer that the first before their phones got disconnected, and this mom was just as unstable (and a little scary). I used to invite Lil’ #2’s brother with us to get him out of the house, too.

Again, after a couple of months of the organization being unable to reach anyone in the family, they informed me that the match would be officially closed. I felt guilty again, but this time, guilty at the relief I felt to not have to deal with that family anymore. I adored Lil’ #2’s brother (sweetest kid, wow), but Lil’ #2 and her mother were so difficult. And of course, she’s definitely the kind of kid who needs the program, you know?

Around this time, the mother of Lil’ #1 called me to ask me to visit her daughter in the hospital. Lil’ #1 was about to have a baby. She told me the sex of the baby and the kinds of items they might need. You can imagine how shitty I felt: the 15-year-old who I should have been there for was about to have a baby, and her mother saw me as a potential source of gifts. I asked the mother to put Lil’ #1 on the phone and told her she was welcome to call me anytime, but I did not go to the hospital (thus, I did not bring a gift) and I have not heard from either of them since. And I still feel terrible about the whole thing; it sucks all the way around.

When Big Brothers/Big Sisters asked if I wanted to be rematched, I almost said no. After these two bad experiences and feeling like I did no good for either of them– even sometimes feeling like knowing me was poison to these girls, I thought I’d had enough.  But for some crazy reason, I said yes. I had to go in for another interview because it had been three years since the first one, and I almost blew off the interview. But I went.

And then a couple weeks later, I got an email from the Waukesha County match coordinator who said she had a feeling she had the perfect match for me. I was skeptical, but I agreed to be meet her. The apartment is not far from my house and there are three really amazing generations of women living there. When I met Reed, we instantly connected, laughing and talking about music and movies. The first time she rode in my car, I was playing a mix CD and she knew all the music, including Rilo Kiley:

Plus she whistled and sang along with “Young Folks” (Peter Bjorn and John– http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Sc8aOIEsQg). (How cool is that?)

We went to the mall on Sunday so I could spend a gift card and it took me forever to figure out what to get. She didn’t sigh or act bored or get irritated. At the candy store, she handled the way I indulged my Hello Kitty fetish with kindness and even quietly endured my smoking lecture (well, she bought candy cigarettes. What could I do?)

It's for my sandwich-- now I won't waste plastic bags!

She is hysterical and insightful and warm.  She adores Ellen DeGeneres and dislikes Ann Coulter. She’s not afraid of  going downtown, eating new foods (including vegetables), and meeting new people. She’s seriously cool– on our first outing together, I took her to Bucketworks (http://www.bucketworks.org/) to model t-shirts for my friend Tim’s site, (find us on the “Chicks in Shirts page”) where we had a blast picking out shirts to model and props to use. http://www.teecycle.org/Teecycle.org/Teecycle_Home.html).

I get that she moved up here from Tennessee and her friends are all still there, but I don’t know what she needs me for. She’s got her stuff SO much more together than I did at 16. So I’ve decided I’ll be her cheerleader. What teenager doesn’t benefit from someone saying “you can do it”? She tells me she wants to study philosophy and mythology in college and I say “super!”  She says she and her mom are going to start playing World of Warcraft, and I say “Fun!” She tells me she’’s read most of the books in the Twilight/Thirteen Reasons Why section of the library, so I tell her “we’ll find  a bigger library!”  

This girl’s going to do some pretty amazing stuff, and I’m excited that I get to hang out and be there for it.

I am feeling lucky. I still think about Lils 1 & 2, and I worry about them and the baby, but a story that Reed told me makes some sense to me. Her story was about how, at Kroger, she once told a man she didn’t know to “go for the yellow roses.”  She says that even the tiniest interactions we have with people makes us a part of their lives. She told me that I am a part of the lives of every student who’s ever been in my class. That’s hundreds of people– maybe over a thousand (I’m not sure; I was an English major, you know). Wow. So even though the relationships with my previous Little Sisters didn’t work out the way I wanted them to, maybe I shouldn’t beat myself up over it. It is possible that I’ve had a positive effect on at least a few of the people who’ve met me (even if someone having a bad day saw me slip on an icy sidewalk and laughed. Not that I ever slip. I am the definition of grace, just so you know). And maybe those yellow roses from Kroger made someone happy.

In summary, Reed rocks.