Fall Television!

The first week of October, my BFF and I submitted our book’s manuscript to the publisher, so now we play the waiting game. You may have noticed that I haven’t posted much lately, and that is the reason why– during crunchtime of the book, I didn’t do much besides write, edit, and argue with Word ‘07. Plus, on Sept. 8, classes started at Milwaukee School of Engineering, where I am teaching humanities and speech this quarter. I have 75 engineering students relying on me! That’s a big job. But since the book has been FedExed (which coincided with fall [the most depressing time of the year] happening in Milwaukee), I have been able to check out some new shows and get reunited with some old favorites.*

THE SIMPSONS

Okay, obviously, as a Simpsonologist, I’m excited for the 21st season of The Simpsons. Matt and Co. have great treats in store for us, including a contest to create a a character and work with the creative types at the show to help design the character. Seth Rogan appeared and co-wrote the season premiere, and this Sunday’s Treehouse of Horror looks terrific. Also, Morgan Spurlock is directing a documentary to air in January that Karma and I have tried desperately to be a part of, but with no success. Yet.

PARKS AND RECREATION

I’ll admit, last year, I mainly watched Parks and Rec because because I really like that plucky Rachida Jones and it was on at a very convenient time– I can say it– The Office isn’t just a television show; it’s a part of my life. Surprisingly, the second season so far of Parks and Recreation is terrific, and gets my vote for most improved show. Although I can do without Saturday Night Live crossovers (Fred Armisen was on this week’s episode), the writing is clever and Leslie Knope is a loveable, clueless optimist.

COMMUNITY

As a proud product of a community college, I am compelled to like this show. Afterall, how many shows have there been where a community college was the main set? (The only one that comes to mind for me is The Parkers, but I’m not going to take the time to google it, I admit). But while it definitely has its moments, and Joel McHale is wonderful, this show is not super great. But it just might need some time to come into its own (and maybe they’ll ditch Chevy, who adds nothing to the show, IMO), so I’m going to keep watching, at least for a bit. It could just surpirse us in the future, like Parks and Recreation does now.

THE GOOD WIFE

Juliana Margulies is terrific as Alicia, the wife of a cheating bastard of a politician. She goes back to work to bring home the bacon while her husband waits for her to visit him in jail (played by Chris Noth). He seems flummoxed, by the way, that she is chilly towards him on her visits. But it’s understandable to the audience that she would be, knowing as we do that she found out on CNBC that her husband was cheating on her and their kids have seen the video of a hooker sucking his toes. The framing family story is compelling enough, but the juice of the show is that it’s a courtroom drama, with the mystery of interesting cases unfolding before the eyes and the intrigue and backstabbing we expect from our lawyer shows. Don’t be deceived by the title- the show is as much a chick show as Law and Order SVU is. And the supporting cast is nothing to scoff at– Chris Noth, as I mentioned, as well as Christine Baranzski, Matt Czuchry (who will always be Logan to me) and Josh Charles (from the beloved Aaron Sorkin show, Sports Night.

I still can't believe they broke up!

ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE

I admit, I have a soft spot for Jenna Elfman. I loved her as Dharma, and Keeping The Faith is one of my all-time favorite movies. So I really want to like this show. And it does have its moments, but it’s not rocking my socks off. I’m giving it one or two more chances, though, and we’ll see. I am really missing Samantha Who?, and I was hoping this would be a replacement. So far, I have no replacement.

EASTWICK

I had read or heard or something that the critics weren’t liking it. I also heard it might not be on much longer. BUMMER! I love this show! Yes, it’s a chick show. Yes, it’s coming from a place that has been explored already. But it’s good, I swear! It’s well written, funny, clever, and has really, really likeable characters. I never realized until a couple of weeks ago that I like Rebecca Romjin. Who knew? Also, don’t think that I’m judgemental about love or anything, but I was watching one night and it occurred to me that Lindsay Price looked familiar, but I couldn’t place it. So I IMDbed her, and check this out: her parents were siblings! Her mother had been adopted and her mom and dad got together as adults. Wow! Kind of blew my mind a bit. (Oh, and it turns out, it was Coupling, I think, that I remembered her from).

MERCY

I’d been looking to scratch my ER itch, and I really can’t like Grey’s Anatomy (I’ve tried), so I thought I’d give Mercy a go. I’ve always liked a good hospital show. And this one has the added interest of a tortured Iraq vet. Plus, it has that adorable Michelle Trachtenberg. I like this show, too! (She likes it! She likes it!). I don’t quite look forward to it the way I look forward to The Good Wife, but the stories are poignant without being overly pathos-filled, and the heroine, Veronica, truly rocks.

GLEE

Yeah, I’m watching it. Most of us Americans are, I think. Now’s the time to decide whether I have anything new to say about it . . . well, probably not, but let me say this: I encourage anyone who has not yet watched it to give it a try. Even if you think you hate glee clubs. The dialogue they give Jane Lynch is enough to make it worth your while; I promise you.

MONDAY NIGHTS ON CBS

If you’re not watching HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER and BIG BANG THEORY, what the HELL is wrong with you? These are two of the best sitcoms. Comon– don’t you miss scripted TV?

TOP CHEF

My guilty pleasure. I generally have a disdain for so-called reality shows. They’re not real at all, and I generally hate any show that has “I’m not here to make friends” as a mantra. But Top Chef rocks. Maybe it’s the foodie in me who wishes she’d gone to culinary school. I wish I could do those quickfires! Maybe it’s my massive girl crush on Padma, or hearing what snarky thing Toby will say next. But what it comes down to is that I really like rooting for someone, and for me, that someone is Kevin. Go, Kev!

*Yeah, that’s right. I’m a college instructor, I’ve co-written an academic book, I occasionally use big words just to annoy people, and I watch TV. I think there are few things more d-baggy than people who want to seem like academic types who say they don’t watch TV. Let me let you in on a little secret: Yes, they do. Most of us who read nonfiction and Margaret Atwood instead of beach novels are secure enough in our intellects that we can admit we watch and enjoy television. And if someone really doesn’t have a TV, they do sometimes miss out. Just ask Matt Selman, who has one of the best stories of stinging a non-television watching tool that I have ever heard.

Everything’s Coming Up Steve (Matchflick column about Steve Martin)

Important moments in our lives become imprinted. For example, I remember with distinct clarity where I was when I read those books of profound importance to me. Or in which theatre and with whom I saw the most impactful movies. The stunning Colorado scenery out the window of the family car when my parents argued so harshly I thought I’d soon be asked to choose. (Oh, they’re fine, btw; they just had their 45th anniversary). And every minute detail, every smell, sound and sensation, surrounding the events of what I believe was my first (and, God willing, only) panic attack.

This image may as well be surrounded by amber: I can clearly envision myself lying on the floor, circa 1981: light blue corduroys that match the living room carpet, my adored “Everything boys can do girls can do better” t-shirt (the twerps’ version of the famous “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle” slogan, albeit less true), and a pair of bright orange headphones: I was listening to Steve Martin’s A Wild and Crazy Guy. This was how I spent the hours between school and supper, originally probably because I was defeated by my brother in the television wars, but soon thereafter out of choice. I had the album memorized, but did I get it? Probably not much of it. I’m sure I didn’t discover Steve straightaway. My parents and sibs had a fair bit of vinyl, and I liked Queen, The Smothers Brothers (knowing what I know now, I can’t help but wonder what my parents were doing with a Smothers Brothers album, and I certainly didn’t know Steve worked on the show). There was a Pat Benatar album and I sang “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad” as plaintively as I could muster to give Meat Loaf a run for his money. I’m sure we were both convincing.

And as for the big books: Deenie, sitting against my favorite reading tree, front yard, childhood home in Minnesota. Jane Eyre, ditto. And then in high school, and then in college, and then again in grad school, and then again a couple years ago when I taught it to unwilling freshmen. Breakfast of Champions, sprawled on the grass in The Mall, East Bank, University of Minnesota. Shopgirl, third Tallahassee bedroom, the townhouse off the canopy road with the sadistic spider that messed with my mind for weeks, disappearing during my hunts to find a suitable weapon. Why I didn’t just leave a shoe in the bathroom, I’ll never understand.

CAMELOT was my first live, professional production, Ordway Theatre, St. Paul. I think I was around 10. It was a rare, girls-only outing: my mom, my older sister, and me.

The movies:
HAROLD AND MAUDE, my then-boyfriend’s double wide on the property of the rancher he worked for: housing was included with his job

tending to the horses. I was in 11th grade. I eventually ditched the boyfriend, but have clung to HAROLD AND MAUDE.

HANNAH AND HER SISTERS –with my parents! I remember being horrified and more than a little embarrassed.

THE JERK: I’ll be honest: I don’t remember a time before I’d seen THE JERK. But I remember the last time; it was probably a year and a half ago. My boyfriend was sick and trying to sleep with his head on my lap. Whatever we were watching ended, and I realized with dread that I couldn’t get the remote without disturbing him. I thought I’d heard the announcer say something about JOE DIRT. As if by divine intervention, the next film was actually THE JERK, and both of us stayed put for the duration. Joe only woke up once, because I was singing along too boisterously with Steve: “I’m picking out a thermos for you . . .”.

ROXANNE and ALL OF ME: when my brother was in college at the U of M and I was a ‘tweener, we had many outings– Vietnamese food on campus and several PG movies.

And why am I thinking about Steve Martin, a married and ridiculously famous man, while I have a delightful match sleeping just a staircase and a room away? Besides the fact that I always thought Steve would wait for me, he’s on my mind because I cannot sleep and it’s his fault. I put his book Born Standing Up down two hours ago. I know Steve Martin better now than ever before. It’s now 4:26 a.m., central time, and I can’t help but wonder if the universe got it wrong on this one. Why was he born in Waco, Texas, in the forties, while I was born in Coon Rapids, Minnesota, in the seventies? It just does not compute. But to risk sounding like a Pollyanna, I’m just happy with what I do have: his films, his SNL appearances, his albums, and his books.

You’ll love Born Standing Up, and now I’m picking out some movies for you:

THE JERK (1979)
As a child, something clicked with me in Navin’s naiveté, his colorblindness before the term became a cliché. I’m confused on why I don’t remember a time before THE JERK, as I’m sure my parents didn’t take me to see it in the theatre when I was 6. Maybe I remember my brother quoting it until I actually saw it on TV or the VCR. Hmm. Steve mentions in his new book that he was disappointed that during the “Tonight You Belong to Me” scene, moviegoers hit the snack bar. That makes me sad, too, as it’s my third favorite part of the movie.

¡THREE AMIGOS! (1986)
Parody, Chevy Chase, and hijinks! Hilarity ensues!

PLANES, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOBILES (1987)
Hilarity ensues again in this John Hughes classic where Steve Martin’s character Neil, an ad exec who just wants to go home to–wait for it–Chicago, for Thanksgiving (is that too much to ask?) finds

himself unable to escape a bumbling shower curtain ring salesman played by John Candy. I particularly enjoy watching Neil try to dry himself off with a small washcloth after a particularly disastrous motel shower.

L.A. STORY (1991)
Of course Steve wrote this movie. From the British accent of “that phony Winston Churchill” and the special beaches just for twirling, this film has more than enough quotable dialogue, which anyone who knows me knows I adore, and features the loveliness of Martin’s own style of magical realism (the freeway sign!). An underrated classic.

LEAP OF FAITH (1992)
Steve Martin’s background in magic makes him particularly believable as faith healer Jonas Nightengale in this, again, underrated drama. The film offers a terrific supporting cast including Debra Winger, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Meat Loaf (and if I could please interrupt myself here to mention how odd I find it that I haven’t thought about Meat Loaf since the last time I caught FIGHT CLUB on cable, yet here he is mentioned twice in one column); together the cast and story analyze the bad idea that is blind faith and the godless trickery of those who exploit it. Along the same lines: The Simpsons episode entitled “Lisa the Skeptic.”

A SIMPLE TWIST OF FATE (1994)
Another thing that Steve and I have in common is our appreciation for George Eliot. The cat in my novel is named Eliot, and I brought Middlemarch for some light reading during my stay at my parents’ for Christmas. Steve wrote A SIMPLE TWIST OF FATE, inspired by George Eliot’s novel, Silas Marner. It may be a little dramatic and predictable, but it’s acted very well, offers a nice mesage, and is not unbearably cute.

NOVOCAINE (2001)
A biting dark comedy, filmed just a hop and a skip from me in charming Cedarburg, Wisconsin. NOVOCAINE is right up there with U TURN as a film that made me feel more and more uncomfortable and nervous as it went on. I wanted it to be over but I couldn’t have left early if I tried. Probably the best movie that I’ll never see again, mainly because of my irrational and unhealthy animosity towards Laura Dern.

SHOPGIRL (2005)
You know when academics and posers automatically chant that “the book was better” whenever a film is adapted from a book? Yeah, I hate that, too, even though it is usually true. It is not true in this case. The film is great, the book is great; they’re just different. I was skeptical at first of the casting of Claire Danes and Jason Schwartzman, but they ended up being lovely. Danes wasn’t the Mirabelle I had created in my mind, but there can be two Mirabelles. There can be infinite Mirabelles, if you think about it. The film doesn’t replace the novel, nor does it try.

Ten Surprisingly Appealing Actors

The other day, someone sent me a link to one of those silly lists (not unlike the kind that I make for this column from time to time). This particular list was the 20 sexiest UGLY celebrities. The people on the list were, in my opinion, definitely ugly (which is why I’m not going to list them here. I’m not that mean), but I didn’t find any of them sexy. This got me thinking, “Hey! I should make a list, but I won’t be so damn harsh about it!”

So here goes: My list of actors who are not traditionally good-looking but have that certain something that makes them sexy. No one on my list is ugly, but if they were non-celebrities in line next to me wearing jeans and a T-shirt at Auntie Anne’s pretzels, I probably wouldn’t give them an extended glance. And I’m guessing that neither would you.

10. Ali Larter
Yes, she’s got some nice hair and a killer bod, but facially, she’s more manly than striking. In fact, if anything is notable about her face, it’s those ginormous teeth. Still, her bad self on Heroes is hot, and when Elle Woods visits her in prison in LEGALLY BLONDE, there is definitely something sexy about Larter in an orange jumpsuit.

Du’s Queue Pick: DRIVE ME CRAZY (1999). Larter plays a disenfranchised youth opposite Adrian Grenier, before he had a group of d-bags following him around.

9. Hank Azaria
I’ve always felt that Hank has a certain cuteness about him. But if the brilliant, hilarious voice work he does for The Simpsons and that six-pack in ALONG CAME POLLY weren’t so well-known, he’d blend right in with the rest of us in line at Target.

Du’s Queue Pick: AMERICA’S SWEETHEARTS (2001). My initial gut instinct told me not to see this, as any film starring Julia

Clive Owen- he’s not Colin Firth, but he’ll do.

Roberts in a fatsuit is just not that appealing, but my adoration for Hank Azaria and the adorableness that IS John Cusack won out. Azaria plays Hector Gonzales, the wife-stealing Latin lover who provides much of the com in this better-than-expected rom-com.

8. Penélope Cruz
I know what you’re thinking: “Dude, are you nuts! She is smokin’ hot!”
Sure … for someone who is totally funny-looking. Look closely; she has what I call a push-face. Everything of importance (eyes to mouth) is in a narrow little 2-inch space and everything else is hair, hair, hair. Still, something about her hips and the way she stole VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA makes her very sexy.

Du’s Queue Pick: VOLVER (2006). Cruz is phenomenal in this mystery, and no one writes parts for women (in any language) like Pedro Almodóvar.

7. Clive Owen
Clive was probably a gorgeous toddler. Those sweet, expressive eyes, deeply dimpled cheeks . . . but as an adult, his wide nose, that protruding Reese Witherspoon-esque chin, thicker-than-should-be-legal eyebrows, and exaggerated lip dip are the strangest individual facial features of anyone on this list, but somehow they work together to equal one sexy guy.

Du’s Queue Pick: CHILDREN OF MEN (2006). A science-fiction movie for people who don’t like science-fiction movies but enjoy an engaging look at a not-outlandish bleak future. In CHILDREN OF MEN, Owen needs to save the world’s last pregnant woman.

6. Amy Sedaris
Sedaris does her damndest to play unattractive characters on film and TV. Shoot, when you’re best known for the unattractive and awkward character Jerri Blank from Strangers With Candy, it’s hard for the general public to know how attractive you really are,

When he’s not Dwight, he’s handsome!

although she doesn’t seem to mind. The people she won over on the Second City stage certainly know. She’s had small roles in many films including ELF and THE SCHOOL OF ROCK. Currently, she is the unfortunately named Ms. Cameltoe in the Wayans’ spoof DANCE FLICK (which I won’t be seeing. Probably).

Du’s Queue Pick: Strangers With Candy Season 2. Purists will tell you to start from the beginning, but I’m kinda partial to Season 2 because it has guest spots by Andy Richter, Janeane Garofalo and Bebe Neuwirth, not to mention the hilarious episode in which Jerri tries to find her lost virginity (it’s on the C drive). And did I mention Stephen Colbert? Did I have to?

5. Rainn Wilson
You might be cringing, dear reader, because Dwight Schrute is such a cantankerous, creepy, creepy character, but do a Google image search, and what you will find is that if the hair isn’t gelled back revealing a huge forehead, he’s not half-bad looking. Then get rid of those weird short-sleeved shirts, replace the glasses with a bit of facial hair, and Rainn Wilson is a tasty, tall drink of water!

Du’s Queue Pick: Six Feet Under Season 3. Wilson is perfect as the odd and quiet Arthur.

4. Maggie Gyllenhaal
She’s way too skinny, she looks exactly like her brother except that he got the nice nose, and she has virtually no top lip. Despite all of that, there is something undeniably appealing about the newlywed Gyllenhaal.

Du’s Queue Pick: STRANGER THAN FICTION (2006). Will Ferrell and Gyllenhaal had terric chemistry in this witty, smart, terrific film.

3. Bill Murray
Funny is sexy. And Bill has both down, even as he grows older. He’s always had a receding hairline, he’s got a

Typical, unnoticable Emily Blunt.

button nose that really only belongs on someone playing Dakota Fanning’s best friend, and he’s also got a bit of the Penélope Cruz push-face thing going, but damn! There is something absolutely sexy about him.

Du’s Queue Pick: BROKEN FLOWERS (2005). My favorite of the three Jim Jarmusch films I’ve seen, and one of my favorite roles of Murray’s. I’m guessing it’s the best Bill Murray movie you’ve never seen. Murray plays Don, a committed bachelor who tracks down his exes to try to solve some personal mysteries. Interestingly, one of his exes is played by Frances Conroy from Six Feet Under.

2. Emily Blunt
If you know who Emily Blunt is at all, it’s probably as Emily, Miranda’s “number one” in THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA. She doesn’t tend to stand out, as she either looks like a sullen teenager or ridiculously plain, especially next to Anne Hathaway. But a closer look reveals lovely, full lips and a set of some amazing breasts.

Du’s Queue Pick: SUNSHINE CLEANERS (2008). Blunt plays Norah, the unreliable sister of a desperate entrepreneur played by Amy Adams. Her part in SUNSHINE CLEANERS is a quiet one, with a few zingers and harsh lines, but her performance in this heartfelt comedy is as impressive as her American accent.

1. Humphrey Bogart
Bogart was an ugly man. At 5′ 8″, he was not nearly tall enough to be a traditional leading man. He was bald, had a horse face, and when I look at him, I swear I can smell cigarettes. Yet, his voice and stage presence made the camera love him.

Du’s Queue Pick:THE AFRICAN QUEEN (1951). Bogart takes on Katharine Hepburn, swarms of bugs, and leeches in this movie that has it all — adventure, Germans, romance and two of the 20th century’s best actors.

What Else is our Favorite Family Up To? (Matchflick column RE: Simpsons talent)

 

 

 

Spare him your euphemisms! 

 In my last column, I had the opportunity to talk about the sexy and talented Hank Azaria and his work outside of The Simpsons, which got me to thinking about the other amazing artists involved with The Simpsons but whose careers are not limited to the show. It’s hard to imagine these brilliant artists have the time and energy to do more than create our favorite show about our favorite family, but indeed they do!

For example, the people who supply some of our favorite voices have no shortage of work, such as Russi Taylor and Tress MacNeille, who work together also on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Taylor provides the voice of one of my faves, Martin Prince, and as well as Sherri & Terri, among others. MacNeille also supplies many character voices; among my faves are Jimbo, Brandine, and Agnes Skinner (quite the range, eh?)

Yeardley Smith is best known for being the voice of Lisa Simpson, but she also starred in the ever-cherished Herman’s Head, played the only likeable character in AS GOOD AS IT GETS (1997), and was Putter in THE LEGEND OF BILLIE JEAN (1985). And sisters, if you have not seen BILLIE JEAN, do yourself a favor and put it on your queue! It’s even more feminist, provocative, and energizing now than it was back when I was a tweener, when “Fair

 

He looks sweet and mild, but don’t tick him off.

is fair” struck me as more than just an illogical catchphrase and “Invincible” by Pat Benatar was an inspiring anthem.

Harry Shearer is the voice behind many of the funniest and/or most beloved Simpsons characters, such as Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Burns, Smithers, Otto, Reverend Lovejoy, Dr. Hibbert, Lenny, and, of course, Scratchy (among many, many others). But with his versatile voice and terrific singing ability, Shearer has appeared in oodles of films, including his role as G. Gordon Liddy in DICK (1999) and perhaps most famously as Derek Smalls in THIS IS SPINAL TAP (1984). He also shows off those pipes in A MIGHTY WIND (2003), which might be the most underrated of the Guest, et al films.

David Silverman has been with the The Simpsons since its birth on The Tracey Ullman Show as animator, producer, creative consultant (whatever that is) and director – in addition to directing many episodes of the show, Silverman brilliantly directed THE SIMPSONS MOVIE (2007). In 2005, he got in front of the camera to teach a drawing lesson (watch “Goo Goo Gai Pan” on Hulu or wherever if you don’t know what I’m talking about. You’ll thank me).

Silverman has also worked for Pixar and DreamWorks – he co-directed THE ROAD TO EL DORADO and the sassy MONSTERS,

 

I really liked her on Dharma and Greg, too.

INC. with UP and WALL-E’s Pete Docter (a fellow Minnesotan, I might add) and was storyboard artist on ROBOTS.

Clearly, Silverman’s career of the last 20 years or so is impressive, sure, but perhaps the most intriguing thing you’ll find on Silverman’s IMDb page is the head animator credit (albeit spelled incorrectly) for the short TOM WAITS FOR NO ONE. In the 1990s, other Tom Waits fans and I spoke in hushed, revered tones of this film, not knowing whether to believe those who claimed to have seen it, but being jealous of them all the same just in case it could be true. If only we’d had YouTube, like the spoiled college kids of today:
According to Variety, Silverman is slated to direct a live-action film for MGM, an adaptation of the children’s book The Facttracker. Also on his schedule, IMDb reports Silverman will be directing a Disney film called THE PET,

 

Drawin’ Krusty. Just another day at the office.

in which a group of aliens make a human their pet. Let’s just hope he’s not a businessman, which is a big responsibility. (Inside Kids in the Hall reference, which I hope you get).

If you’re not already following Silverman on Twitter*, do so now (tubatron). He’s funny, announces his groups’ appearances around LA (They are called Vaud and the Villains– hint: his handle is “tubatron” for a reason!) and likes to share the occasional photo (like the one I borrowed above). And maybe eventually he’ll share some 140-character anecdotes about his upcoming films with his followers as he sees fit (hint hint).

*If you’re not already following me on Twitter, what’s wrong with you? You can follow me (duve) and/or the awesome duo of Dr. Karma and me (Simpsonology).

Happy Father’s day, fathers!
xoxo,
Du

 

I’m ready to talk about it . . . I’m being laid off

I’ve known for a couple of weeks now.  A couple Thursdays ago, a bunch of people at my office received emails to “discuss organizational changes” with the company.  My meeting had three employees and three managers and the HR person. We were informed that our positions would be eliminated in approximately 60 days, and if we were willing to sign the contract and stay we’d get a retention bonus. The meeting 45 minutes later had considerably more people. They were sent home that day with the promise of 4 weeks pay. Boxes were waiting outside the conference room (which were not there when the meeting began).

I guess some third-party consulting firm came in slashed positions. I’m not supposed to take anything personally.

I agreed to their terms and my last day will be June 30th.  The survivors were subjected to meetings in the afternoon which prevented going to lunch with people who were let go. It’s been a strange position to be in, being part of meetings and the recipient of mass emails as if I weren’t being let go– the company I worked for was bought out, and the new company has dropped off a bag of swag (well, not cool swag, just office supplies) and an email offering the first shirt with the company logo free! I kind of wish they’d taken me off their mailing list.

I’ll admit, that first day I was upset. I cried, but mostly because any sort of rejection hurts. I got angry shortly thereafter, but I’m okay now.  If things go by my plan, I’ll find a position (preferably teaching) to begin in the fall and have most of the summer to work on the Simpsons book. No matter what happens though, I vow to be one of the people who enjoys being unemployed. I’m going to enjoy having time for me, and I’m not going to freak out.

Remind me that I said that if I don’t have a new job lined up by June 30th.

I Heart (the brilliant and underrated) “Weird Al” Yankovic

Weird Al Yankovic:  Actor, director, singer, songwriter, accordion enthusiast, performer. Brilliant, underrated, and handsome.

It saddens me that so many think of Al as “The ‘Eat It’ Guy.” Even some urban hipsters with whom I hang have called him “just a parody artist.” I have two major issues with this. Number One: Indeed, he is not just a parody artist, and Number Two: What’s that supposed to mean, “just a parody artist”? Do you think it’s easy? Would you say that Christopher Guest is “just” a mockumentary filmmaker because he is most famous for the films This Is Spinal Tap and Best In Show? Hell no you wouldn’t, and Weird Al deserves the same respect. It takes Al’s singular talent to create parody with scathing satire and a keen wit that’s also listenable.

Because Al is often erroneously seen as fluffy, I am sharing my top ten best original Weird Al songs. And by “original,” I mean songs that are not parodies of any one song (although the style of music may be inspired by a specific artist or genre).

11. Since You’ve Been Gone (1996)

Al has a myriad of terrific breakup songs, and this one is my favorite to sing along with in the car, not to mention that it showcases yet another of Al and the band’s amazing talents: singing a capella do-wop style. Sure, anyone can try it, but few can pull it off as mightily as Al and the band.

10. Trigger Happy (1996)

In the style of a zippy Beach Boys tune, “Trigger Happy” cleverly juxtaposes the happy-go-lucky, hanging at the beach feel of the music with lyrics that offer insight into the disturbing mind of a gun nut.

9. One More Minute (1985)

This song magically whisks the listener back to the time of sock hops, malt shops, and suicide doors.  It marks the the moment the romance dies, not unlike Elvis’s’ “Are You Lonesome Tonight.”  However, while Elvis’s backup singers never had the chance to sing “leeches,” Al also gives us the best line that Elvis never could: “I’m stranded all alone in the gas station of love / And I have to use the self service pump.”

8.  Christmas At Ground Zero (1986)

While the song is brilliant on its own, the video (which is the first video directed by Al himself) adds even more. The label didn’t know what they were asking for when they wanted Al to do a Christmas song. What they got is a perfect little holiday ditty juxtaposed by horrifying images of nuclear holocaust which begs the question: how do we go about shopping, humming, and baking with unrelenting terror constantly hanging over our heads?  But then again, how do we not go about our business?

Or, don’t ponder and just enjoy the song. Fun to sing along with.

7. Melanie (1988)

“I have to go through your garbage /  Just to learn more about you.” Need I say more?

6. Dare to Be Stupid (1986)

This song has been described by Devo members as “the perfect Devo song.” The combination of Grandma’s cliches and commercial slogans is deeper than you think.

5. The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota (1989)

Al often ends his albums with a big ole extra long track. “Albuquerque” and ”Trapped in the Drive-Thru” are others of note, but “The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota” is my favorite. And with good reason. It’s a funny jab at the campier sides of U.S. culture, but it’s not completely free of respect. In some ways, Al is picking on himself for getting some kitschy joy at the silly things.

4. Weasel Stomping Day (2006)

If you liked The Simpsons episode “Whacking Day,” you’ll love this catchy exploration of the Appeal to Tradition logical fallacy: “It’s tradition; that makes it okay.” Translation: the argument “this is how it’s always been done” does not hold water. And the use of music strikingly similar to the “Beef: It’s What’s for Dinner” commercials reminds me of another episode of The Simpsons, “Lisa The Vegetarian.” Remember the edutational film: ”I was a ’Grade-A’ moron to ever question eating meat.”

3. Truck Drivin’ Song (1999)

Al shows that he fully understands country music: the flavor, the themes, the passion, the joy.

2. You Don’t Love Me Anymore (1992)

In this beautiful, elegiac ballad, the narrator woefully ponders the subtle clues he’s picking up on that his partner might not love him anymore.

1. Frank’s 2000″ TV (1993)

A perfect little pop song that satirizes our cultural love of excess, television, and outdoing the neighbors. And I don’t say “perfect” lightly. There are only a few songs that I think are perfect pop songs:  “Overkill” by Men at Work, “What’s So Funny (’bout Peace, Love & Understanding), and  “Frank’s 2000″ TV.”

Progress on The Simpsons book

Someone asked me today how the book was coming along, and I said that except for thinking about what I need to do and setting up a Twitter account for our book (@Simpsonology), I haven’t done too much lately. But it turns out that setting up the Twitter account was one of the best ideas I’ve had since going to see Patton Oswalt in San Francisco (where we met Dana Gould[!]). I am positively TWITTERPATED. David Silverman (producer, creative mind, and director of many episodes AND The Simpsons Movie) is now following us on Twitter.

Yes, I’ll tell anyone who asks, we are making progress on the book: David Silverman knows Karma and I exist.

I’m a Smart but Gullible Girl

At least I can admit it, anyway. For example, I always believed that a “dork” was a whale penis. And I am not alone. Lots of people think that. As it turns out, that meaning is a debunked urban legend; it is any penis, not a cetacean-specific penis.

The word “dork” is probably a variation on the word “dick”  http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/dork , which makes it an example of amelioration (when the meaning of the word improves, or becomes less vulgar, over time. When words get more unsavory meanings over time, such as “bitch” and “wench,” it is called pejoration).

Another thing I never realized until today when my friend Jenn told me: the dye the Mayans historically used to make textiles red (which comes from a bug called the cochineal) is the same thing used to make red food coloring. Sure, it’s less carcinogenic than the synthetic stuff, but I’m still not ever going to try red velvet cake. Never. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cochineal. (On a sidenote, that gorgeous royal purple made famous by the Pope is from a snail! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tyrian_purple).

And then there’s the fascinating story of the Romanovs. Now, I had heard that the woman who claimed to be Anastasia Romanov wasn’t her (and she wasn’t, according to a show I watched on the History Channel this weekend; she was a Polish factory worker), but they still haven’t found the real Anastasia’s bones. Part of me thought that advancements in studying DNA were going to eventually prove that Anna was Anastasia, but the opposite is true. Maybe that’s me being more of a romantic than gullible, but a question remains: Where are Anastasia’s bones?  It’s a cool, but very sad, story: http://www.royalty.nu/Europe/Russia/Romanov/Anastasia.html This version is pretty close to what I saw on the History Channel show.

I’m sure there are more examples of my gullibility that I can’t think of now. I’ll work on that, and feel free to share yours, if you like.

In closing, I’d like to say adios to an admired writer, John Updike. He died today of lung cancer. I was a little surprised to hear of his death, partially because I didn’t know about his cancer, and partially because 76 isn’t that old. He came to Florida State while I was there and he didn’t seem so old, but part of that is my denial that I’ve been out of graduate school for this long. So thanks for the stories, man. Take care.

Updike’s on the right. From his guest appearance on The Simpsons in 2000, “Insane Clown Poppy.”

“I am very prone to accept all that the scientists tell us, the truth of it, the authority of the efforts of all the men and women spent trying to understand more about atoms and molecules. But I can’t quite make the leap of unfaith, as it were, and say, `This is it. Carpe diem and tough luck.’”

New Optimism, New Ambition

Reading Justin’s post was as cathartic for me to read as I imagine it was for him to write:

http://theblarg.wordpress.com/2009/01/20/an-open-letter-to-george-w-bush/#comments

and I feel remarkably light, cool, happy. Seeing W on television didn’t fill me with the anger I usually experience; instead, I felt glad that I don’t wait tables in Crawford, Texas, so I will only have to see that stupid, smug smirk infrequently from now on.

I’m ready to do my part, President Obama (wow, that felt good to type . . . I need to type it again). PRESIDENT OBAMA, I will try to create at least as much as I consume. I will behave in ways that work to improve America’s standing. I will be more tolerant and do what I can to encourage others to also be tolerant. You’ve inspired me.

The nation’s fresh start makes me even more excited about working on the book.  That doesn’t mean I’ve worked on the book lately, per se, but I did change my phone’s alarm clock ring tone to the theme for The Simpsons so that I think about the book first thing in the morning and regularly throughout the day. 

Karma and I got a lovely letter from the president of the publishing company. He gave it a personal touch, talking about how his kids will feel about their dad’s company publishing our book, and he gave his opinion of which title (of the suggestions we submitted) we should give our book: Schooled by The Simpsons.  I like it! We just need to work out the rest of the title. Oh, and write the rest of the book.

In my head, I’ve been working out a new section working with The Simpsons and linguistics, and I’ve also been working on the thanks/acknowledgements section, which now also includes JAY LEVEY and WEIRD AL YANKOVIC, as they have granted us permission to use lyrics.  See, our book is going to include paper assignments and in-class activities that we use to teach certain rhetorical (and other) concepts, and anyone who’s met me knows that I use Weird Al in class, and I’m stoked to share my tactics with other teachers.  Plus.  I’ve got to say, I’m excited to be able to thank Al in the book and to send him his requested copies. It will be an honor.

Why I Love LA (repost of Jan 4 column at Matchflick.com )

Apple Pan yumminess & good company.

Happy new year!

I was lucky enough to get to California during my break. Not that I don’t adore Milwaukee, but, well, you know. I spent time in Sacramento, Davis, San Francisco, and Los Angeles. I had delicious food and fun with friends in Davis and Sacramento, and a jolly time in San Francisco. Yes, the MLA convention and Margaret Atwood Society business meeting were indeed a blast, but the highlight in San Francisco was probably the Patton Oswalt show at the Cobb Comedy Club. He was hilarious, of course, and we were treated to a guest we weren’t expecting: Dana Gould! (You might remember him from writing for The Ben Stiller Show and The Simpsons). My BFF Dr. Karma and I had a chance to chat with both of them after the show. Dana Gould was very friendly and gave us some insider anecdotes about the origins of some of our favorite Simpsons episodes. (The PLANET OF THE APES musical: Dana Gould’s. Yes, he’s that cool).

On the 30th, I left the San Francisco Hilton and took the BART to SFO, where a Southwest flight brought me to LAX. My first time! Justin and Mr. Fabulous picked me up and took me to a dog park in Culver City and then to their place. For dinner, we went to Apple Pan, a pie and hamburger favorite in LA. Justin’s friend Jorge took over my camera and took some adorable group shots. After dinner, we had drinks and pool

Justin & Du in Hollywood Hills

and The Joker, a bar that feels like a Milwaukee corner tap (although notably lacking in smokey haze).

New Year’s Eve was a terrific day! Justin and I started with a yummy breakfast at Nick’s. I hadn’t intended to get much exercise whilst in California but I met up with a friend from elementary school (gotta love Facebook!) who took Justin and me on quite the walk. Kevin works in post-production in Santa Monica, so we got to see a real-life post production facility. The employees were buzzing because rumor has it they’ll be handling dailies for Lost this month. After we saw Kevin’s workplace, we walked to the Third St. Promenade (where I was tempted to pop into the Gap to buy a sweater; I was quite chilly). We then checked out the Santa Monica Pier and then walked to Venice Beach. I was nervous as I’ve seen AMERICAN HISTORY X, but luckily I was not recruited to a local hate group. Justin and Kevin wouldn’t have let that happen to me anyway, I am sure.

On New Year’s Day, Justin and Kathy took me on the ultimate tourist drive around Hollywood. We went up into the Hollywood Hills and got quite close to the sign (not a great drive for the easily motion sick), and then down to the Walk of Fame and Mann’s Chinese Theater. I compared my hand size to Marilyn’s, and briefly wondered where Ali McGraw is today. I bought a cherry diet Coke at

My pinkies are shorter than Marilyn’s.

the soda fountain in the Disney store and snuck a pic of Gene Simmons reading the paper. We checked out the Roosevelt. I’m not going to go so far as to say that I, too, think it’s haunted, but there is definitely some energy in that place. And candles. We took a little drive around Beverly Hills, where I saw the Beverly Hills Hotel and asked Justin and Kathy if they’d ever seen THE SLUMS OF BEVERLY HILLS. They hadn’t, but Justin said that Natasha Lyonne is in some bad shit, like drugs. I sure hope that’s not true; I like her so much. For dinner, we went to Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles, which is just as incredible as you think it is. I am still thinking about the mac and cheese and the real lemonade. We were home early and watched THE VISITOR, one of the best films from 2008. The story was the perfect balance of moving and subtle, and the acting was freaking amazing. Richard Jenkins is more versatile than Meryl Streep.

On Friday, after a kick-ass breakfast (pancakes the size of frisbees!) at the Griddle on Sunset, we drove to Watts to check out Watts Towers. (Yes, I have wonderful friends who were willing to drive their Stratus with Illinois plates through Inglewood for me. They rock). There is some restoration going on so we couldn’t get in the gates, but Watts is definitely a cool thing to check out, you know, during the day.

I think he was counting the typos in LA Weekly

(Thank you for the tip, Globetrekker).

Justin and Kathy are continuing the tradition of Food Night here in LA, and tonight I cooked. My friend from all the way back to the second grade and his wife Laura came, and my friend from grad school Paul and his wife Olivia were here, and Justin’s friends Karen and Shawn from college as well. And I hope they keep hanging out long after I’m gone.

So a few things I’ve learned about LA: parts of it look and smell like Mexico. While everything is crazy expensive compared to my down-to-earth, Midwestern sensibilities, it’s not as spendy as San Francisco, where you’re charged a 5% tax on imaginary purchases. Also, I thought I’d see celebrities constantly on the streets and in restaurants. I imagined literally tripping over celebrities, but the only one I saw was a friend of Justin and Kathy’s who was invited over, so that doesn’t probably count as a bona fide celebrity sighting. Word is they’re all out of town right now anyway, so maybe next time I visit I’ll see Kiefer Sutherland get into a shitfaced scuffle. Dare to dream. Another thing: not everyone is plastic, self-centered, and rude. I’ve met some really great people here (granted, most of them aren’t from here, but that’s neither here nor there).